"My essay on what a slave is, to me…
i had trouble writing this. i started over and i couldn't get it. Then i seen something someone said...a girl said about trying to write something and having trouble with it.....i just started writing with my heart........and that is what i did. I went and let my thoughts gather and i wrote from my heart. i'm pleased with what i have written. i hope You are also, Master.
(note: it was written a long time ago. i´ve learned allot more and if i wrote this same piece over again it would probably sound slightly different and have some new thoughts in it.)
What is a slave to me....
i remember when i was young. i remember having this feeling that is hard to explain. i know now what it is. i wanted to belong, but more than that i didn't much care to belong to a group. If there was a group of people i thought i wanted to be with it was always the most strong one in the group i wanted to associate myself with. i didn't much care about the others. i wanted the acceptance of that one and the love and devotion of that single person.
i remember when it came to attention i couldn't get enough. i was always disappointed and for all my life i look at people and i think......why?
why are they so shallow? why doesn't a friendship that i put my all into last?
why when i identify myself with someone they eventually loose heart in what is happening between us. i'm meaning friends, lovers family all of it.
where is the devotion and why does it always for one reason or another end up falling away?
i have had this thing in me where i wanted to share it all. Every detail of my feelings, every secret, every little thing and not leave one speck of me out. i wanted to find someone who could take it, make it theirs, so i could be totally explored and totally understood....completely open and that to me is like sunshine and flowers and a big field of rest. I've always wanted that. i came close once. it is gone now. The person never knew me and knows me less now. What a shame, and i feel so let down and betrayed. So disappointed and misunderstood and........unloved. And how about this one......alone, when i think of this person and all i shared with her, that is what is left of the relationship in feelings.
i remember this one time when i was getting a bit older. Gosh, how deep i felt things. My friends thought i was strange and maybe i was and maybe i still am. We were walking home through a sections of woods. It was so quiet your voice would carry a long way and it was warm. i remember saying to the person...have you ever wanted to be so close to someone, so close as to be like one person. To know them and them know you and you be absorbed by that person to the point of loosing yourself and have that person total obsessed watching over of you. Have you ever wanted to literally crawl into another persons skin and belong inside them? Live inside them and be lost inside there......literally inside that persons skin? i have, i do and nothing less will ever satisfy me.Sometimes i think im just submissive. And being a slave is too hard and something i cant do because i cant totally give over obey and not hold a grudge. i cant feel totally un-wronged sometimes. Then because of the way i wish to be used, the way i want to belong to someone, the intense feeling i have of those times i cannot resist......i think i´m very much slave.
I think a slave is someone who wants to trust, love, belong, be owned,and obey totally. Someone who has this desire. Someone who doesn't want to be a separate entity any longer in any way. Who doesn't want to own one thing inside herself. She wants to be consumed and have all her decisions taken care of by someone she trusts. It cant be half way for her. She not only wants and dreams of this.....she pursues it and is only half complete without it. Sometimes in her search for it she becomes warped. It takes a strong Master and One who knows how to love a slave and take her completely to help her be what she was meant to be, and what the world always tries to take away from her. Its strange, the natural order of things says.....be a slave. But then when it tries to come out and she tries to be what she is, she is shunned, kicked down and she closes off. Becomes rebellious and suspicious. Its a sad thing....she becomes totally un woman like.
i had started to list all the qualities of a slave in reference to her Master. i wont do that here. i want to talk about the heart of a slave and what she is inside. With or without a Master to guide and love her. i´ve seen many of these essay's from other girls and they usually list quotes or sections of the Gor books for a reference. i will take from the bible, at the risk of being sacrilegious.....which i do not have any intention of.....but this keeps coming to my mind....
A slave should love the one she serves. she should have the attributes of what love is. Charity suffereth long, and is kind: charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, The behavior of a slave should be like this. she should be kind and considerate in her actions and not be offended at the One she serves and loves. Long suffering is like patience. her Master might not be the easiest at all times but she must be patient and endure. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; a slave shouldn't behave in a manner that isn't pleasing and she shouldn't put herself first and her wants, but those of the one she serves. her thoughts should be on how to serve better and not on how to get around that. she should not become offended at her Masters correction. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; a slave doesn't find any joy in disobeying her Master, even if He has no clue she has done so. she should serve in truth and from her heart. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endurethall things.
Charity never faileth.........she bears the responsibility for her actions and accepts whatever her Masters decisions are concerning her. Weather easy to bear or hard. She endures without complaint, and this kind of love.......put into action......will never fail her.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. I mean this totally out of the context of religion and what the scripture is referring to. i mean it according to a slave, and how her training effects her. Under her Masters hand she should grow and add these things to her character concerning how behaves and views things. In essence a slave loves at all times, and she follows all the laws of love. she gives herself to instruction and is wise. A slave directs this towards her One and becomes whole and complete in herself. A slave has this desire inside her and she needs a place to direct it, a Master to bring it out in her and allow her to be all she is. she obeys and is happy to do so. she is happy to be pleasing. she loves attention showered on her and goodness to be rewarded in her. she wants to give all, trust with all she has, and be the girl she was intended to be completely and totally.
That is feminine. That is a woman. That is aslave. A slave controls her emotions. she has a quiet spirit in that she is at rest and at peace with herself and who she is. she knows herself well and she studies the One she serves. Serving, and all that comes with it, is her first and only responsibility. With all her feelings and thoughts she looks to Him.This is probably not complete. i could probably go on and on and have many more thoughts on the subject. But ill stop here. i think i've said enough.”
Proud to be owned by Sir_Stacy